Reality Check
1/9
Kiefer was watching for Tadgh and Genesis to come back to walk through the aquarium, his knee bouncing impatiently as he and Egan watched the penguins from a bench.
“Dad, can I get closer?”
Kiefer decided if his son was going to call him Dad, he’d give him the keys to the Maserati and let him drive it. “Sure, but stay behind the yellow line there,” he pointed to the spot where they were supposed to remain back.
From the minute he’d laid eyes on Egan for the first time when they’d entered the restaurant, he’d felt his heart crack open, splinter into a million shards and then magically heal itself with whatever it was children impart in their parents. All the pain he’d ever felt in his life was nothing compared to missing all the firsts he’d missed thus far but the notion he was never going to miss anything else was soothing his agony.
He smiled as Egan looked over his shoulder.
“Dad, look, look! Aren’t they cool?”
“They sure are, Egan.” He couldn’t take his eyes off the dimple in the boy’s chin. The one little thing he got from Genesis, and it was the thing Kiefer was focused on every time he looked at him. He knew his ego was bigger than most other men simply because he’d been told day in and day out all of his life, he was a
good–looking man. He took good care of his body, working out vigorously, mostly because he needed to be strong to do the job he did. His kid looking just like him was an ego boost of the highest order because Egan was a good–looking lad.
What the kid showed in looks though, his personality was all Genesis. Egan’s sweet innocence and the way he blurted out all his thoughts without filter was exactly Genesis to a tee. When he’d first met her, the very first words she ever spoke to him after she’d tripped over the cobbled sidewalk and into his arms was “holy fuck you’re gorgeous for a ginger.” He’d almost gotten on bended knee right there.
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He didn’t know how to woo her of course. He simply did what he did best and ran roughshod, dictated what was going to happen, how it was going to happen and when it was happening. By the end of the first night, she was sleeping in his bed, and he vowed to never let her
- go.
He’d be the first to admit, he was an emotionally stunted asshole. From the time he was born, his father and grandfather drilled into him boys don’t cry, never show fear to anyone, especially an enemy and love was a weakness their opposition would exploit in a moment. Tadgh was given the same speeches but not to the extent he was exposed to their views on being a man. He was the heir, the up–and–coming boss. Weak was not an option.
Looking at Egan he vowed he wouldn’t let his family bully Egan into being his emotional duplicate.
Over the years, his father mellowed out, as much as the head of
the Iron Force Gang could be considered mellow. His temper was still fiery. He still ordered never asked. Kister new from firsthand experience not even a bullet wound would muite the man cry. He also never experienced actual romantic love a day in his life. His father wouldn’t know how to romance a woman if his life depended on it. It was why he felt his old man’s comments about Genesis absolutely absurd. Genesis hated Kiefer for his ineptitude. there was no way she was going to go for the OG. Yet, his father, for whatever reason, had taken a shining to Genesis back when he’d met her the handful of times their paths crossed. Lorcan liked Genesis as a person. It was why he’d been furious with Kiefer when Gen ran off is first thoughts back then were Kiefer fucked up on a massive kate missed something important which happened the night of the parts and whatever it was, scared Genesis to not only run to the FBI butt boend all her associations with the family, including her pregnancy
The lack of evidence in the house, the statement from the FBI and the hospital bills all swayed things to paint Genesis in the wrong light. Aoife and Laoise and their little crew made it worse.
He rubbed his forehead as he watched Egan and then his eyes widened as Tadgh came into view. He saw the way Genesis let him hold her hand and he couldn’t lie and say he wasn’t jealous. It wasn’t he didn’t want Genesis and Tadgh to have a relationship, even a romantic or sexual one. What bothered him was Tadgh was making gains where he was lagging. He wished he possessed even an ounce. of his brother’s charm. He wished he could do for Genesis what he knew Tadgh would be able to do.
“Stop moping,” Jerren’s voice interrupted his thoughts. “You’re here with your son yet he’s over there and you’re over here. Why?”
“He wanted a closer look, and I wanted to watch him.”
“Yet you look miserable.”
“I pissed Gen off again.”
“Kiefer, I walked away
and you pissed her off?”
twenty minutes to get an update on Laoise,
“To the point Tadgh dragged her away to calm down.” He sighed. “I keep fucking it up and I don’t know how to fix it.”
“You can’t.”
Kiefer shot his best friend an annoyed look, “thanks for the boost of support.”
“Kiefer, you can’t fix what happened back then. The only way to fix it, is to give her back the child my sister murdered under our watch. This is like shattering a mirror and expecting it to be able to be put back together when a crucial piece is missing.”
“Then what do I do?”
“What do you know about kintsugi?”
“What the fuck is kintsugi?”
Reality Check
5/9
“It’s a Japanese art form. It’s when you take something which has been broken, most things I’ve ever seen were bowls, and repair it with a special glue made from tree sap and then when the sap is dried it’s covered with gold. The goal is to embrace the imperfections in the broken bowl and recognize there are flaws in life and it’s part of the beauty of it.”
“This is dumb. When the fuck did you start listening to this stuff?”
“This girl I was dating a couple years ago. She broke a bowl, and I was going to throw it out and she told me she would fix it. She told me all about it. I mean I was there for the sex, but I never forgot the lesson.” Jerren grinned at Kiefer’s rolled eyes.
“And it’s on your mind now?”
“It is.” Jerren nodded seriously. “Your relationship with Genesis is broken. You are never going to get it back, not the way it was.
“If this is a pep talk, it’s a shitty one.”
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“You can put all the glue and gold on the cracks, Kiefer but it’s not going to make it look the way it did before. What you need to do is embrace the fact you fucked up, consider it a learning. experience, one for both of you, an exceedingly difficult one and then actually learn from it. Prove to Gen you’ve learned. Let her know you’re sorry for the mistakes you made and then fucking move forward.”
“She hates me, Jerren. She can’t move forward.”
Reality Check
6/9
“Because she’s focused on the past. Help her see the future. Stop trying to stuff how good you thought your relationship was with her down her throat and instead give her a good relationship
now.”
“What?”
“You keep telling her how much she loved you back then and how much you loved her. You keep yammering on and on about how she loved you once, she’ll love you again. If you want her to love you again, be the fucking man she deserves instead of this shitty dickhead you’ve been. Be the gold, Kiefer.”
“Have you been drinking?” Kiefer leaned closer and sniffed hist friend’s breath.
“No. Be the gold for her. You can be the thing which holds her together when she’s breaking, Kiefer. You can be the sap,” Jerren snorted and elbowed Kiefer.
“Were you testing the product?”
Jerren laughed at him and then slapped him on the shoulder, “not in a million years. You can’t fix what used to be Kiefer, but you can make something new out of the old, something which may last even longer.”
She didn’t trust me.
“Why would she have? We abandoned her.”
“I was her husband. She should have –”
Reality Check
7/9
“No. Don’t you dare put your guilt on her shoulders. Don’t do it, Kiefer. You’re not a fucking coward so don’t start acting like one now. You need to sit down and sort out whether or not you can be the man she needs. If you can’t, let them go.”
“I’m not letting my son go.”
“She can raise him in Boston without you being her husband, Kiefer. You can be part of his life without being part of hers.”
Kiefer blinked at the cold delivery of Jerren’s words. “What?”
“If you can’t be the man she needs, the one who pays attention, supports her, learns from his mistakes, comforts her when she’s hurting and doesn’t add to her misery, then let her go.”
“I love her.”
“You have a horrible way of showing it. Stop being a dickhead.”
“Yeah sure.” He watched as Egan chatted animatedly to Genesis about the penguins. “I don’t want to lose her again.”
“Lose her again? You’re speaking like you have her back. Nothing could be further from the truth.”
He pushed off the bench and walked to his brother, Genesis, and Egan, knowing Jerren was right behind him, waiting for him to fuck up again. Standing next to her he could smell the shampoo she’d used in the morning, and it reminded him of her saying she got herself off to whatever it was Tadgh said to her. He
Reality Check
looked upwards to the sky and then back to her.
“Genesis, I’m sorry. I was out of line, an apologize.”
She looked to him. “And?”
8/9
“And that’s it. I’m sorry. No excuses. No arguments. No shifting blame. I’m sorry. I messed up. I messed up badhithen. I messed up yesterday fighting with you. I messed up a fervuminites ago,
I’m sorry.”
“What do you want?” she eyed him suspiciously.
Only to have a good day with you and Egan. It’s all. No more fighting. I promise to keep the stupid comments from my libos. Can we start the morning over? Please?”
“Fine but you need to promise not to piss me off.”
“Deal..” he winked at her. “Now,” he motioned to Egan. “There iss supposed to be a sea lion around here somewhere. Shall we go find them now we’ve seen the penguins?”
As he exchanged glances with his brother who seemed confused about the out of the blue apology she simply shrugged and prayed when his father arrived, the old man might have better help than Tadgh’s comment to her before breakfast about not running interference or helping him out and Jerren’s weird advise about broken pottery.
