Chapter 64
The air shified. She could feel it though she couldn’t pinpoint the precise second it happened. But it changed. Moved Became Charged. The glow of the fire, the small light of the lamp on kylan’s nightstand. The way he was staring at her differently. It was too much. Overwhelming Overstimulating
ing the to stay where sh
Her palms squeezed into fists, her nails digging into her skin, her mind halfheartedly urging she to stay where she was. Her chest was heaving, her Tongue weiting her suddenly dry lips.
“Don’t kiss me, Kate,” Kylan breathed, still situated near the fireplace…
“W–what? I wasn’t” she stammered, frowning at him now. She wasn’t going to kiss him. She never kissed him first. She never crossed that boundary he put in place, even though she will didn’t know the full reason for it.
“Don’t kiss me.” Kylan repeated, taking a few steps toward she, his eyes swimming with emotion she wasn’t sure how to name
“I won’t kiss you, Kylan” she also repeated quietly, her voice nearly getting caught in her throat.
“Don’t kiss me.” It was almost like a mantra now, Kylan repeating himself, stepping closer to her every time he did.
He stopped in front of her, his eyes fixed on hers, his own breathing a bit more ragged than normal. “Don’t kiss me.” Kylan said one final time, lifting a hand and brushing her hair away from her shoulder.
“I’m not going to kiss you. Kylan Her voice was shaking, her legs weak and barely holding her weight.
“Good”
With that. Kylan angled his head down and kissed the top of her head for a moment, his kisses not stopping there. He layered one across each of her cheeks, her forehead, the tip of her nose and the very corner of her mouth, not quite touching her lips.
Her eyes closed of their own accord, but confusion and contentment flowed through her equally.
“Kylan,” she breathed as his lips traveled to her neck next
This was new. New and wonderful, yet terrifying. Her mind recalled his rejection in Portland. His rejection and his subsequent actions.
“Tell me to stop. Katrina Kylan whispered against her neck, his breath tickling across her flushed skin.
Did she want him to stop Should he stop? How für was this going to go! How far did she want it to go?
Things with Kylan were already convoluted and confusing. The lines had never been more blurred for her than they were right now. Kylan was adamant about keeping her at an arm’s length. And yes, here he was, little to no space between them, his hands shifting to rest atop her hips.
“I don’t. I don’t know she admitted out loud, her voice quiet and uncertain. So uncertain but filled with so much yearning too. She wondered if he could hear it
Kylan’s lips stilled against her neck. “I don’t either. But I Want to do this” She couldn’t see his face, but his voice was timid. Far more than it ever
Her hands gripped his forearms, her heart running a fresh marathon in her chest, her mind torn in two. Her body torn in two. Her heart torn in two. She was at war with herself. Fighting between what was probably right, and what she wanted.
She knew what she wanted was Kylan. It was always Kylan in her mind, in her heart, taking space in her very soul lately. It was Kylan. Kylan.
She felt safe with him, and she didn’t. She wanted to cross the last of the red tape, and she didn’t. She wanted to accept him into her heart, but she didn’t. She didn’t because she didn’t know if he was ready for that
so well. He was her boss, and he was Kylan. He was hot, and then he was
The man in front of her was both a stranger, and someone she now knew so cold
She was certain if she allowed him to continue, that cycle would most likely continue, and she wouldn’t know how to handle it if it did.
Were the variables worth it? Was opening up herself like this, being vulnerable for Kylan, giving that part of herself to him. Was it worth it? Was be worth it?
wing. But as so
as soon as they left her lips, they felt right. They
“Don’t stop. Kylan,” she heard herself saying the words before she knew what she was saying felt like the truth. She didn’t want hun to stop.
She would deal with the fallout later. She would feel any hurt later.
Right now? Right now, by the light of the dimming fire, by the light of the lamp on the nightstand, in a hotel room across the world. She didn’t want Kylan Ross to stop kissing her skin.
He came back to life in her hands, his lips trailing down her neck, his fingers ghosting just under the hem of her sweater. She already wanted to kin
Chapter na
hos bips, to pull his head up to hers and claims his mouth, but she wouldn’t. She wouldn’t because he told her not to
Why did he tell her not to? She h
had kissed him many times before. Some of those kisses in private. All of them making her weak in the damm
Now though, when it seemed he wanted this to be something more than what he was typically comfortable with. He asked her not to kiss him.
Perhaps it was too inmare for him? Perhaps he just didn’t want to! He had a system with things like this, of that she knew.
Maybe he just Looked at her as any other one–night stand.
The thought caused she to pause, her grip on Rylan Tightening. He felt it and pulled back to look at her.
Her eyes mei grey ones alight with something she was certains was akin to hust. His pupils blown wide, his lips swollen from the kisses he had been leaving on her, his pale chest flushed red.
“What is this, Kylan? What are you doing?” She was shaking, she could tell. Her hands were on
steady whilst holding Ky
| Kylan’s arms.
“I don’t. I don’t know. I just.. You’re beautiful, Katrina.” His own fingertips were shaking as they brushed against her jaw, her chin.
she forced herself to swallow, inhaling and exhaling a few times, attempting to have a clear head. She didn’t know how it progressed. Or how she was able to touch him. Or how he was able to make her ride her high a couple of times.
Not even when he was finally, finally, inside of her
All she knew was that she and Kylan became one that night.
-0-0-0-
When everything had calmed, Rylan’s breathing slowed against her neck for a minute.
And then it picked up again and she felt him sense in a new way. Now she could feel the anxiety rolling off lum. “Kylan.” she whispered, her heart instantly becoming guarded,
Kylan pulled away from her, stepping off the bed. “F*ck, Katrina. I can’t. F*ck. What did we do! Christ, I can’t. Pck. This couldn’t happen. I told you that. We signed the contract” He was panicking, it was clear on his face and in his voice.
She sat up on the bed, feeling too exposed all over again. “Kylan, please. Please Don’t do this she quietly pleaded with him. “Don’t. Please.
don’t ruin this
“I need. Christ, I need some air.” Kylan Fumbled with his boxers and pants, pulling them on. He tossed the condom in the garbage, stumbling to the closet and coming out a moment later with a sweater and his jacket on. He yanked on a pair of shoes, not looking at her a single time.
She could feel the tears creeping into her eyes. She could feel her heart shanering in her chest. She felt like she did something wrong. But was it! Was it wrong! It had felt so right
“Kylan, this. I need you to talk to me. You need to tell me everything. Why Why is this so hard for you? Why are you the way you are? Why are you so hot and cold? Why would you. Why would you sleep.. Sleep with me, and then leave me like this?” Her lower lip was quivering her shoulders shaking and her chest heaving
Kylan paused with his hand on the door handle. “Vous méritez mieux. Tu es trop bon pour moi. Vous êtes trop pur. Trop special.” Him speaking French at a time like this was driving she mad, her limited understanding more of a hindrance than ever. “I can’t. I’m sorry, Kate. You don’t deserve any of this shirty behavior from me. I’m sorry” He strangely sounded on the verge of tears himself, but he still opened the door and disappeared into the fullway.
Just like before in the hotel room in Maine, she felt small. Small, confused, and broken. But this time. This time, it was worse. So much woTYC
Because she now knew what it felt like to be connected to Kylan. To be filled with him, in every way she could be.
This was worse, because she knew how she felt. But she couldn’t make him talk to her.
She couldn’t make him be anyone other than who he was and the repercussions from a moment of bliss, felt all too big to think about nUM.
So, she didn’t. She didn’t, and she rolled onto her side, pulling the blankets up to her chest, and she cried.
She cried because that’s all she could do.
She cried because she wanted Kylan to feel safe with her.
She cried because all she wanted was to feel safe with Kylan.
He was right, though. She didn’t deserve any of this from him.
Kylan was clearly a broken man with complex layers of trauma, of pain and suffering she didn’t know where to begin to understand. But she wanted. so understand. She wanted to help him. She could see the good in him. The parts of him that wanted to open himself to her, to be close to her
D
Clupter 64
e knew the way he tried. She could so clearly feel it. She couldn t fake those feelings, those looks, those gentle caresses
she
But even though she was trying to understand him, to be patient with him while he navigated a sea of unspoken misery, she knew she deserved an (open line of communication, and she only hoped he would realize that, before it was too late.
