Chapter 68
Kylan already knew he wouldn’t sleep that night. He made himself a cup of tea, drank it in a few swift gulps, and then he was moving in the direction of the closet just off the kitchen. He yanked it open, pulling out his massive container of cleaning supplies
He found his black vinyl gloves and fixed them over his hands. He tied an apron around his torso and hips and then he got to work.
He cleaned everything, following the same system he always did. From the windows, to the counters, to the baseboards, and then the walls. He was meticulous, calculating, laser focused on every square inch of his penthouse.
He steamed the floors four times before deciding they were still not clean enough, and iso he did it twice more. He stripped his bedding, washing each piece, and then he dusted the curtains from top to bottom, standing on a step stool whenever necessary
He internally marked things off the list in his mind, moving to wipe every single surface clean and then doing it all over again.
The goal was not to think. Not to spiral. Not to allow himself to get to that point.
So, he didn’t. He didn’t, and instead he abused every facet of his body, cleaning and cleaning and scrubbing for hours into the night. He was sweaty. disgusting, panting and aching, and still he kept cleaning.
By the time the sun was beginning to rise outside, pinks and orange creating over a bank of clouds, he was finally done
He put e
everything away in its proper place and then stripped his clothing, taking a scalding hot shower and urging his muscles to relax even a fraction of an amount.
His body was exhausted, but has mand was wound tight like a spring waiting to release
Oscar was sick.
Katrina was going out of town for a week.
And the. The anniversary was coming up. The anniversary he wished, willed, pleaded to never come around again. But each year, it did. And each year, it took a bit more out of him to deal with it. To suffer through it.
He finished in the shower and collapsed onto his freshly made bed, closing his eyes, and heaving a great sigh. He stared up at his perfectly dusted ceiling, a frown on his face.
What was Katrina doing right now? Was she asleep, or did she have jet lag? When was her flight? How would she do on a plane by herself?
Kylan’s phone buzzed from atop his nightstand. He rolled over and grabbed it, rubbing his eyes that were now burning from lack of sleep. Ha stomach dropped when he saw who the message was from
I’m in New York until after the anniversary. Do you want to grab breakfast at nine!”
What was his schedule like today! He nearly sent a message to Katrina and then paused. He was capable of figuring it out, or he could ask that new secretary. Katrina needed space. Space from him specifically, and he understood that. He respected it, even it added to the feeling of the world slipping away beneath his feet.
He pulled up his calendar and then took a deep breath. He was free. Did he want to see James? It was always something he had to mentally prepare for beforehand. Seeing him was bittersweet and depending on what he himself would choose to focus on, it was often more bitter than sweet
Even still, he couldn’t tell him no. He never could. He had this battle in his mind each year, and each time, he lost it the same way as he did right
now.
“Ralph’s?” he replied.
Tuave our booth,” James texted back
There was no way he would be able to get a couple hours of sleep now.
-0-0-0-
Kylan kept the radio off on the way to Ralph’s, doing his best to calm his nerves. He clenched his jaw to the point it was aching by the time he found a parking stall. His hands were shaking, his heart racing
He only ever saw James two weeks before the anniversary, never any closer, and never on the day especially. It was too much for both of them, but mostly for him. The guilt would eat him alive the closer the day became
His birthday and the anniversary being so close together never helped him, either. He hated both days equally and he never celebrated his birthday. What was there to celebrate, anyway?
He readjusted his button–down and jacket after stepping out of his car, smoothing his hair down before walking into the cafe. Lack of sleep, stress, and anxiety were all making him hyperaware of his surroundings.
2:52 PM
Chapter 68
Everything sounded loud, too loud. The lights were too bright. The laughter from people enjoying their breakfast
fast is akin to
to nails on a f*cking
chalkboard.
And then he saw him. James. Indeed, sitting at their usual table.
He forced his feet to carry him in his direction.
He didn’t stand to greet him, he never did anymore. Not for years now.
He sat down in the seat in front of him, opting to leave his leather jacket on as a pathetic security blanket.
“Good morning, James” Kylan’s voice sounded strained to his own ears, but he couldn’t fake anything. Least of all with James.
“Good morning, brother, James replied evenly, taking a sip of the cappuccino he had already ordered. “I got you a black tea, they’re making it
now.”
Kylan hummed in response, his hands clasping together on the table in front of him. “Have you started to go down the list yet?” he decided to ask him, despite not wanting to talk about any of it
James nodded, clearing his throat, and clutching his coffee in his hands. “I have. I’m going to the museum with Tania later,” he replied quietly.
Kylan’s heart clenched, but he forced his face to remain impassive. “So, you’re on day three, then,” he said just as quietly as him.
“Day three.” James confirmed while a waitress set a steaming cup of tea in front of Kylan
“Thank you.” he replied politely, his own hands grabbing his warm cup. They were still shaking, and he hoped James couldn’t see as much.
