Chapter 75
“Kylan“”
Katrina looked down the hallway in the direction of his bedroom and paused when she saw a light on. She wasted no more time, forcing her feet to carry her in the direction of his room. The knowledge that Ryan was on his way was furling her, knowing she wouldn’t be alone in her quest to help Kylan
not startle him
him, the
She stepped into Kylan’s room and quickly found him on the floor of his closet, a black shoebox situated on his lap. Slowly as to not knelt in front of him, placing a worried hand on his knee.
“Kylan, what are you doing in here?” she whispered to him.
“She was my best friend.” Rylan mumbled, staring at a picture he seemed to have pulled from the box on his lap.
“Who was, Kylan?” She moved to sit next to him, trying her best not to notice how awful his hands were.
“Y–Yasmin.” He showed her the picture and she saw that it was of Kylan and two other prople, a girl, and a boy. The boy looked to be his same age and the girl appeared to be a little bit younger, perhaps,
She took the picture from him, realizing it was an old one from a disposable camera, maybe. The colors were a bit faded, but she could easily tell that it was taken in Rhode Island at the beach. Kylan wasn’t smiling, his arms were folded over his chest, and both of his friends each had an arm of their own around his shoulders in turn.
Though Kylan looked as stoic as he ever did, his eyes were son. So soft. It was clear he cared for the individuals in the photograph.
“Who is the boy?” she softly asked him.
James. He isn’t dead, but he hates me. Kylan sighed, taking the picture from her and returning it to the box
She looked at him, wondering if he might listen to her now and let her tend to his hands. “Kylan, will you let me help you!”
Kylan stared at her, his eyes unfocused. She was thus incredibly surprised when he smiled at her. It was a sad smile. The saddest smile she had ever seen. It broke her heart all over again.
“Katrina, beautiful Katrina. You’re too good. Too pure. Too perfect. You chose right, leaving me.” Even though his words were slurred, they still cut right through her.
“I don’t want to leave you, Kylan. I never wanted to” She knew it made no sense trying to explain anything to him while he was so out of it, but she couldn’t help it. Somehow Kylan thinking she wanted to leave him. It wasn’t right. Even with as much as he had hurt her, she cared for him.
It was never about wanting to leave him behind. None of it was ever about that.
“You should want to. I’ve hurt you. I’ve hurt so many people. I’m f*cked up. A f*ck up Kylan sighed and leaned his forehead against hers, gripping her face with his hand, despite how red it was. “But you cared for me, didn’t you, Kate? You saw me. And I can’t let that happen. I can’t. It’s too much I can’t let you die.”
Nothing he was saying was making sense. “Kylan, I’m not dying. I’m okay. I’m right here,” she insisted.
“I can’t lose you too. It’s all my fault. All my fault. I’m sorry, Kate. I’m sorry I hurt you. I was scared of you.” Kylan kissed her forehead softly and her frown deepened.
Her mind was swimming with confusion, brartache, and even wi
even with a
a minuscule amount of hope.
Kylan, let me help you. Please, let me.” She cupped the sides of his face, shifting so she was situated on her knees. “Let me clean your hands. We can talk in the morning, okay? When you’ve had a night of rest. When was the last time you rested? When did you last cat?”
Tears were filling here eyes again as her thumbs ghosted over his gaunt cheekbones
“I don’t deserve your help, Kate. I’m a monster. You need to get away from me. Kylan whispered back to her, his cheeks flushing ever more beneath her hands. “Co, before I get you killed too!
She stared at him, trying to understand. Trying to make sense of what he was saying “Who have you gotten killed. Kylan?” she quietly asked him
Kylan shook his head, turning his face and kissing the inside of her wrist. “I can’t. Iran, He repeated.
“Kylan? Katrina?”
“Ryan’s unmistakable voice carried from outside the bedroom door at that moment
She squeeard Kylan’s shoulder once and stood, walking out and meeting Ryan in the hallway “Ryan, thank you. I’m. He won’t let me help him.” She couldn’t stop the tears from flowing now and they cascaded down her face.
Ryan seemed to hesitate, and then he wrapped his arms around her, pressing her face gently into his chest. “Something like this happens every year, but never this bad. Even I have never seen Kylan’s apartment look like this. Where is he?” he asked, patting her head a few times.
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Chapter 73
She sniffed, completely embarrassed while she pulled away from Ryan with an apologetic smile. “Um, the floor of his closet. He’s talking about someone named Yasmin” she explained to him, wiping her eyes with her unsteady fingers.
Ryan frowned deeper than she knew he was capable of “Katrina, listen to me. It isn’t my place to share with you anything about Kylan’s past. I’ll let him do that if he wants to But you should know that his friend Yasmin died nine years ago today, and he blames himself. That’s part of his guilt and inner turmoil. He glanced into the bedroom. “You don’t need to stay if you don’t want to. I can imagine how upsetting this is.”
She matched his frown. “I’m not going anywhere. I. I care about Kylan. He’s. Important to me. Very important,” she admitted, her face flushing warm with her confessionL
Ryan fashed her a knowing smile. “Perhaps that care is what he needs right now.” With that, he led the way into the bedroom.
She trailed in after him, keeping her distance while Ryan knelt and helped Kylan to a standing position, “Katrina, I’m going to help Kylan take a
ralled over his shoulder shower. Will you start making some tear” .
She nodded eagerly, grateful to be given an assignment to actually help.
“Get the fuck off mir, old maI. I don
I need your helps. Leave” Kylan grumbled, trying to pry Ryan’s hands off him. “You’re not going to see me naked” he added venomously with a string of curses afterward
ing the tea
She paused in the doorway of the bedroom. “L. I mean.. I could help him shower, Sir, If you wouldn’t mind making
She should feel embarrassed for offering to shower her boss, but with the look Ryan gave her, he was not at all surprised. She wondered what he knew about her relationship with Kylan, but that was a question for another day.
Kylan, can I help you shower?” she ventured to ask the man himself.
“I don’t need help. Kylin mumbled, glaring at her now,
She chose to ignore him, “Come on, then, Come with me” She came to Kylan’s other side and together with Ryan, she walked him into the bathroom attached to his bedroom, helping him sit down on the closed toilet seat
“Thank you. I’ll be fine, she promised Ryan, who only nodded at her before disappearing to the kitchen.
“Arms up” She pulled off Kylan’s glasses, setting them down on the vanity.
Kylan glowered up at her, but her own expression remained impassive. “Come on, Kylan. Work with me.”
She reached forward, grabbing the hem of his shirt and pulling it over his head with some difficulty.
He was all but a limp noodle as she bent down to take off his socks next, though she could feel his eyes on her. “Why are you here, Katrina“” he
Because you called me, and I knew you needed help” she explained evenly. “Stand up, please” She helped him to a standing position with her hands on his hips. He swayed a few times, and it was undeniably awkward trying to keep him upright, but thankfully, he didn’t slump over.
“I’m going to take off her pants, okay? Just so you can shower,” she warned him, her fingers resting on the waistband of his sweatpants.
“You shouldn’t be here. You should be far away from me. I’m a monster, Katrina Kylan said yet again.
“You’re not a monster, Kylan You have a temper at times, yes. You’re too hard on the interns, you have a knack for breaking cameras. But you’re nut a monster” She pulled off his pants, leaving him in only a pair of black boxers.
“Thurt you” Kylan whispered so quietly, she only heard him because she was right in front of him. “God, I really f*cked up.” His forehead fell against hers and she stilled. “I’m sorry, Katrina. You’re so beautiful, so good. You deserve better than me. I can’t Give you what you deserve. I don’t know how.” Kylan sucked in a breath and angled his head closer to hers. “I want to kiss you, Katrina. I always want to kiss you. I couldn’t kiss you while we made love, only because I was too scared. Scared because I want you and I don’t know how.” His lips barely ghosted over hers.
His words his breath, they tackled her face. But more than that, they routed her in place. He had never been this honest. This open with her. He had never told her half of what he was telling her now, and she had no idea how to process a single bit of it
“Can I kiss you, darling! My darling Kate A light in my dark.” Kylan moved to place his lips fully on hers, but her hands pressed again his chest. and she pulled her face away from his
Kylan wasn’t Rylan right now. Not even a little bit. He was hurting, drowning in the memories of a day long ago Kissing him right now would be a complric violation of both his vulnerability and his humanity
gs that has confessions were stirring up inside of her. Her
“You can’t kiss me right now, Kylan. You’re drunk” She was firm, locking away the feel
feelings that focus was on helping him take a shower. Her focus was on has well–being.
Kylan swayed to the side a fraction and she slatted to steady him. “Sit here, okay?” She helped
helped him sit back down on the toilet seat and then she moved around to step into his shower and turn it on. She adjusted the temperature, ensung it wouldn’t be too hot for his injured hands.
She then guided Kylan into a standing position. “I’m going to take off her underwear, but only so you can take a shower, okay?” He nodded a minuscule amount, resting his forehead against her shoulder now. She gripped the edges of his underwear and pulled down, keeping her eyes
Chapter 75.
fully trained on the wall behind him.
She took hold of his forearm and gently guided ham in the direction of the shower Thankfully, he went willingly, and the second he sighed with relief as the lukewarm water fell over his skin.
She first found his body wash and then his sponge, spreading a generous amount of soap arross it and slathering it all under the stream Tim going to wash your body, okay? You just relax she quietly instructed him.
Kylan only hummed in reply, and she got to work cleaning him, working the sponge over his back and arms, his legs, respectful not to venture his intimate areas. She figured the stream of water and the soap trickling down his chest and back, were enough to clean those places
She found the bottle of has shampoo, defily realizing that it smelled like pine and smiling slightly because of it. That’s why he smelled like pine every day. His shampoo,
She stepped into the shower just enough that she was able to work the soap into his hair, using her fingernails to massage his scalp Kylan groaned in front of her, his chin dropping to his chest.
“Up a little, Kylan,” she murmured, and he listened to her so she could rinse the soap from his hair.
He opened his eyes and stared at her, but she kept her gaze on the task at hand. “I’m sorry, Katrina.” His quiet words ghosted over her cars
“I know, Kylan.” She blinked back any moisture filling her eyes and focused on cleaning Kylan.
