Chapter 14
Islowly raised my gaze and looked at him with the dim yellow light of a bedside lamp.
Sharp and profound facial lines, a straight and prominent nose bridge, and slightly upturned eyebrows and eyes.
With such bone structure, he was destined to become more charming as he matured.
I didn’t understand, “Ryan, why were you so persistent in not divorcing me?”
His eyes flickered with scattered confusion.
“Bella, what is your definition of love? I only know that you are in my heart.”
“We have been together for so long, you are my obsession, I care about you a lot, I cannot be without you.”
“I think, I loved you.”
My eyes were sore and swollen.
But as I reached out and wiped the corner of my eye, it was dry.
“Yeah, you always did a great job with your superficial skills.”
“I was certain that you loved me, but not anymore.”
Even though our marriage had reached a dead end, I could still recall those past memories.
He would ride a bicycle back and forth, cook and bring me ginger water with brown sugar; he would
stay up all night changing the water for me when I had a fever at night, using wet towels to cool me
down.
It seems that nothing has changed when looking back, except for the feeling of burning concern for someone that one used to have when they were young, which will never appear again.
“Bella…”
The mist of water swayed in his eyes, and a tear dropped onto his eyelashes.
“I had rejected Lilly before, many times in fact. She had also pleaded with me numerous times. But I gave in once because I felt sorry for her, and it eventually escalated into a situation that I couldn’t
control either.”
“She is seven
years:
than you, and when she looks at me, her eyes are filled with admiration for me and longing for the future, completely different from you. When I am with her, I an’t help but think of you through her. If I had been as excellent as I am today when I met you, we wouldn’t have suffered so much. Just the thought of it makes me want to make it up to her.”
1/3
Talso knew that my thoughts were wrong first, I struggled and even broke down. But later, I
comforted myself, thinking that if guilt and shame could make me more devoted to my family, and make our marriage more stable, why shouldn’t I do it?”
He paused, and the words he was about to say became particularly difficult.
“It’s like getting tired of the food at home, sometimes I want to go out and improve my diet.”
“But I eventually had to go back home, Bella. I did succumb to the temptation of her youthful body for a moment, but deep down, I knew that it could only be you who would accompany me throughout my life.”
I couldn’t help but laugh lightly as I watched him earnestly analyze himself with a serious expression on his face.
Ryan, are you mean or not?”
The bean–sized tears fell onto the stretched open wound, bringing a sharp stinging sensation.
“You are the only one who can make ‘being able to have a foot in both boats‘ sound so good.”
His lips were tightly closed as he stared at me blankly, his bright eyes filled with tears, silently rolling down his cheeks.
A long time passed.
He tugged at the hand on which I wore the wedding ring.
“I would change.”
“Bella.”
“I really knew where I went wrong, I didn’t want a divorce, I, I couldn’t be without you.”
I took off the ring and placed it in his palm.
“No, you didn’t know.”
“Ryan, let go, I’m really tired.”
Ryan neither nodded nor shook his head.
His eyes were filled with a deep red color, shattered and fragmented.
